J.G. Walker: My Suggestions for the Producers of the New The Princess Bride Musical

vizziniSo Disney is considering doing a Broadway musical of The Princess Bride. May I humbly make a few suggestions?

First thing is to abbreviate the title to one word and add an exclamation point: PRINCESS!

Next, here are a few numbers that will never fail to engage an audience:

  • Thrill to the action-packed Westley and Inigo action bit “I Know Something You Don’t Know.”
  • Endure the shrill and irritating yet somehow enthralling Vizzini solo/dance bit “You’re So Inconceivable” followed by the hard-charging “Didn’t Your Mother Tell You to Never go Against a Sicilian When Death is on the Line?”
  • “The Charge of the Brute Squad” will have you leaping vigorously from your seat–as well as from the seats of others–and “Stormin’ the Castle” will make you wish to God that you had a holocaust cloak.
  • Finally, you will swoon to the penultimate but highly satisfying “To the Pain” and finish off with the stirring coda, Fezzik’s tear-inducing rendition of “I Finally did Something Right.”

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